ancora imparo

i still learn. any MONASH student (who isn't oblivious to the world) would know that

have you ever felt like you've arrived? like you know it all? that you're just right and nothing else could ever shake you? And no i'm not necessarily talking about a continuous state of mind. It could be just one of those fleeting moments, right before you stop to correct the thought in your head. But the thought existed.

I mean everyone knows that we're constantly learning and growing, every moment. But why is it sometimes you just get this feeling in your head (albeit for a couple of moments) that you're ok. ALREADY I realised it usually happens to me when all seems well. but then something just has to fall apart right there. It never lasts.

When glass is broken, when an unexpected change occurs. then you learn. But why is it sometimes that glass has to be broken so many times? why do i keep doing it over and over again? it's cos i'm tyring to do it alone. WHat an idiot i am. your assumptions change, and more often than not, you learn that assumption is futile.

But no... do we really learn? if we know it's useless, then why do we still hold SO MANY assumptions in our head about.. everything? think about it.. seriously.. the stereotypes, the baseless certaintywhich only gets broken by being proven wrong.

What do you do when you're caught in a downward spiral? you BREAK OUT. thank God that He's in the breaking and rebuilding business.. what would i be if not


ancora imparo.. i still learn

the power of a significance

I was just listening to two very widely listened-to songs.

1. the bittersweet symphony by the Verve

2. viva la vida by coldplay

I suddenly realised something about the human mind and how each of us uniquely links our preference of music to a certain meaning it carries to our minds (and the incredible thing about this is the fact that it is completely independent of the genre or type of the music) If you think about it you'd find that some, if not all of your favourite music appeals to you in a certain way because something about it strikes out in one of these to you

• it invokes a memory to you
• someone who means a lot to you likes it making it a "connection" sort of attraction to the song/music etc.
• it's a feat (you admire the work and achievement of the music as seen by those who created it and perceived by other people)
• It creates a certain atmosphere that you like to be in (soothing, rebellion, relaxed, harsh, whatever you like)
• it's a habit--something you've come to appreciate simply by having been exposed to it very much whether or not by your choice

it's quite amazing really when you think about this and how some songs impact you in this way and some just have no meaning of effect whatsoever on you. Music ain't just a bunch of sound eh? Here's what i believe. It's a language. It speaks to those who understand it's uniqueness and carries a universality of thought without words. ANd BEST OF ALL IT IS NOT confined by the ethnicity or linguistic constraints of written or verbal language. No wonder we worship God with our music.

Judges 5:3 "Hear this, you kings! Listen, you rulers! I will sing to the LORD, I will sing; I will make music to the LORD, the God of Israel.

help

i couldn't have ever done it myself. but HE helped. and it all fell through. three nights, by the grace of GOD. what a lovely experience. unforgettable. :)

never thought it'd turn out the way it did, ut it just proves that God is real, and despite the fact that so many things were crashing down around me, he still carried everything through just as HE saw fit.

am reminded of the story of God having a chat with a man, as they traced their footsteps along the beach where they had once walked together.. and there came a point where there was only one set of footsteps.. the man turned around and asked God what this meant. and HE replis "my child, that was when you fell, and i carried you in my arms"

¹ I lift up my eyes to the hills—
where does my help come from?

² My help comes from the LORD,
the Maker of heaven and earth.

³ He will not let your foot slip—
he who watches over you will not slumber;

Psalm 121:1-3

the goodness and severity

today i was reading the story of Uzzah the Perrizite, who was charged with the responsibility of guiding the cart carrying the ark of the covenant. IT was interesting to note what happened to him when he reached out to grab the ark when the oxen stumbled.

2 Samuel 6:7 "⁷ The LORD's anger burned against Uzzah because of his irreverent act; therefore God struck him down and he died there beside the ark of God."

this account in biblical history has always got me wondering. i mean, hello, GOD? he was trying to protect the ark from falling wasn't he? i mean he did it to save and protect Your ark? but then. after some time pondering and thinking, i realised that God was teaching Israel, (and in this case, King DAvid) a very important lesson, but sadly, Uzzah had to pay for it with his life. The lesson learnt is this, that for God, OBEDIENCE is foremost. he doesn't need your good INTENTIONS or IDEAS or what you think is the right way to do His work, no He doesn't, all He asks is for you to be AN OBEDIENT CHILD to His will. It's quite simple really, it's just us humans who complicate everything with all our intelligent solutions.

And the answer to Uzzah's problem i realised, lies in 1 chonicles 15:2 , "Then David said, "No one but the Levites may carry the ark of God, because the LORD chose them to carry the ark of the LORD and to minister before him forever.""

Quite amazing isn't it? it took a DEAD man before David realised what He'd done wrong. God said it!! the levites, and not a couple of BULLS were supposed to carry the ark.

And this i wish to relate to our own lives, our own worship unto HIm. I stress again that God doesn't require our great ideas and manner of doing things to impress Him. No, there IS NO impressing Godm simply because He is perfect. what He desires from us i a heart that LOVEs him and is willing to OBEY when he calls, even though it seems like we may have a better way of doing it.

Remember, God is kind, and merciful! but also do not forget that he is a HOLY GOD.. and no form of UNRIGHTEOUSNESS can stand before HIm. Do not take His mercy for granted, for it's serious consequences to bear otherwise. Yes he is a good God, but don't play the fool with the fact that there IS NONE BESIDE HIM in greatness!

Romans 11:22
Therefore consider the goodness and severity of God: on those who fell, severity; but toward you, goodness, if you continue in His goodness. Otherwise you also will be cut off.

tagged (carmen)

1.Does it matter to you if your boyfriend or girlfriend smoke?
No smoking, else i SMoke them.. i HATE smoke.

2.How about drinking?
As long as it's not more than i do-- small amounts (good for health.. heh)

3.Do you like someone you can't have?
Rihanna! (but no, i don't like like her)

4.If someone liked you right now, would you want them to tell you?
No. Unless you're my girl.

5.What's your favourite sport?
F1

6.Its Saturday night, and you're home alone... what do you do?
Blog, sleep early, read, study

7.Do you like roller coasters?
Totally

8. When's the perfect time to have a bf/gf?
wHEN it's time

9.If you could date any celebrity, who would it be?
Rihanna! (again)

10.What are you doing this weekend?
Stuff

11.What is your favourite restaurant?
Hard Rock Cafe

12.Have you ever hugged someone?
MOM and DAD! (LOVE THEM!)

13.Ever kissed someone you weren't attracted to?
Yeah, annabelle wong!! haha.. when we were leetle kids (WHOOPS, I'M SO DEAD FOR THIS)

14.Do you like anyone right now?
HEH...

15.What is the first thing you notice about the opposite seX?
SHE'S HOT BABY!

16.Which do you prefer, Beach or Mountains?
anything lah, depends on my mood

17.What kind of phone do you have?
Nokia 3110

18.Computer or Laptop?
I think that's obvious, for mobile reasons

19.Jeans or Sweats?
Jeans

20.Which year(s) has/have been the best so far?
This

21.How old are you gonna be on your next birthday?
VERY OLD

22.What should you be doing right now?
Dreaming, that's my profession

23.What is your favourite TV show?
heh, NONE! i hardly phreaking watch tv anymore :(

24.What's been your last purchase?
lunch, at MEDAN

25.Are you attracted to girls/boys that smoke?
no

26.Have you ever fallen on your butt in front of a crowd of people?
ya, in class.. it's good to cheer people up, fall on your butt while balancing on two chair legs

27.What do you do when you're at home?
Sleep (it's a bad sign, i need to spend more time at home)

28.What is your favourite subject?
Fluid mechanics.

29.What's the best thing that's ever happened to you?
Jesus

30. Tag 10 people: randomly
Mabel, Julia, darren here, cheryl tan, chew and the rest... you tag yourself lah

internal combustion

The internal combustion engine, based on the OTTO gas cycle. A sublime piece of genius so many of us unwittingly take for granted.

Fireworks, explosions, ignition of a fuel-air mixture.

it's quite amazing that it's just one of those stunningly simple things, like burning a candle-- that one of these engines require to move you. i mean, imagine what would happen if you poured a whole tank of petrol on the ground and burned it. You'd get an explosion of proportions.. LOTSA enerGY! HOT!..

but some smart people figured out how to use that to drive you to school everyday, to get you to the movies with your friends without having to take HOURS to WALK there. to build it in such a way that saves your money by using LESS petrol!

i take my hat off to them.. and so should you..

Here's to the engineers who work so hard to make the world a better place

when past dictates

it's so easy to allow your present to be influenced by your past. it certainly doesn't require much effort to place blame on who you WERE, to explain, and more often than not, carry as an EXCUSE for who you are. and to those of you who feel that you are in such a situation i have this to say: SNAP OUT OF IT! seriously, everyone of us has HUGE potential. and it's up to YOU to pick up the pieces where they've broken and do a renovation.

another point. digression. it's funny how people mature and grow, but yet it's possible to digress. to sorta, ANTI-mature. a point where you take a step backwards instead of forward. where you see yourself making mistakes you made and so-called already "learned from". and when that happens.. you have to DECIDE and DETERMINE.. and trust me, it's for reasons like this that we have JESUS! because it's no problem deciding and determining, but when it comes to executing it's a WHOLE different plane altogether..

so here's to CHANGE! here's to moving forward.. forgetting what lies behind.. and here's to being more like Jesus everyday!.

Ezekiel 36:26
I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh.

FORWARD

edibles from karl

i cooked today....( and all those people who know me very well GASP in horror! )

my first serious attempt at cooking (instant noodles and fried egg aside). i made curry chicken. Lately the holidays have given me much time to relax and do stuff that i've been wanting to do but put of continuously due to busyness.

Last night i decided to tag along with my parents to carrefour and picked out some stuff to try and cook today. heh.. so i bought the chicken fillet and some cabbage and a packet of curry mix.. hehe. (i know.. cheating)

started cooking late this morning. began with the rice for which apparently there was a user guide which would give me explicit instructions but alas i couldn't locate it! so.. i used the NATURAL.. heh. INTUITION.. just TEMBAK ONLY.. some how the rice turned out okay. the first miracle of the day.. heh..

cut garlic and onions and ginger. then i just basically followed the instructions on the back of the curry powder packet for the mix.. dumped them into the wok with some oil and here's what i got. a nice medium sized pot of curry chicken fillet with potatoes!! :)


cut the vegetable and stir fried them with onions and garlic and oil and water with some salt and oyster sauce. it wasn't too bad either!! :)


added one fried egg to top it off..

and MIND you all.. this is the FIRST time i EVER cooked anything besides instant noodles or fried egg!!. and i did it all alone.. heh.. happy me today.. *smiles*

the beginning of the end

that post title says it all. HaHA. reading it now it sounds so melancholic and depressing. but no i don't think this is necessarily a depressing post.

i'm gonna continue my discourse about israel :)

God's chosen people. in trouble, it seems with the rest of the world. they're now beginning to look like the black sheep of nations. apparently everyone is running over to the side of the palestinians that the boat is really being wieghtily tipped in that direction. and it's becoming more and more obvious that lesser and lesser governments are remaining sympathetic to the isreali cause and the few that still do so are being very cautious lest they be isolated in ther support as they are indeed treading on thin ice.

(interestingly, it's the heavier side of a ship that sinks first, heh.. but i doubt that's got anything to do with this. just a random observation, forgive me)

However, God has a reason for everything, a plan.

And He will save His people. There will come a time when Israel realises that they're not as mighty and impregnable as they believe they are. their initiatives, military and ecomonic power is not absolute. And then will they turn to He who is Almighty. And HE will save his people.

It's interesting to compare this situation to our own lives. So often we're led to do things the way we see fit. And God allows us to. He's not a Father who holds us by strings and makes us do as He wishes like puppets.. NO even when it HURTS Him so much. He patiently waits for us, sometimes watching us make a complete fool of ourselves doing stupid things and running around the sand in circles. UNTIL we come to the realisation that we need Him so. and when we CRY out to Him, He gently LIfts us up into His arms and show us why we can NEVER make it on our own..

He IS an awesome GOD

Isaiah 43:2

When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze.

a call

this post is about a nation. a people very dear to the heart of God.

Israel

A nation called by God to be bearers of His name, of who he is. the Almighty. the YAHWEH of the universe. From the days of Abraham and Isaac and Jacob, these special people have had a unique place in the heart of the Father. Not that God is biased in anyway. After all, who are WE to dictate who God is to select to be His chosen people? Are we greater than God that we be in a position to say who God's chosen people are to be? no.

And this is a call, a call to pray for Israel. Times are difficult, with the dawn of a new year comes a dawn of many new things, not all pleasant. And in Gaza, pain is severe and widespread. Pride is at stake. Watching the news reading the papers, glancing through articles here and there, we hear of phrases like 'when the rockets stop, we will stop'. These adamant statements by the leadership of Israel are tantamount to stubbornness, but at the same time, they DO have to defend their homeland don't they?

but is that all there is? is it really merely protecting their civilians, or is it their PRIDE that's at stake??

they've never been perfect, but they serve a perfect God. they have not accepted the messiah, but one day they will.

And for now, let's pray for Israel.

As the mountains surround Jerusalem, so the LORD surrounds his people both now and forevermore.

PSALM 125:2

back

Calvary youth camp 08 was a blast

before the camp i was seeking God for a time of refreshing and renewal, and He is faithful.

It wasn't necessarily an emotional or overly hyped up experience, but one thing's for sure. God showed up. And it's interesting to note that the presence of God and hype don't have to go hand in hand. He can do mighty things in the midst of His people regardless of the emotional 'atmosphere' we're in.

I think the greatest encouragement was seeing the seemingly young and inexperienced committee turn around and emerge successful with the organisation of the camp. of course there were glitches and unexpected issues, but they pulled through and learned the lessons needed to be learnt. WELL DONE guys. so proud of all of you..

but somehow there was one concern lingering on my mind. camp somehow felt a little like a whole bunch of different people with different responsibilities and focus thrown together into a large pot that just wouldn't mix. there wasn't that CALVARY YOUTH spirit there. or at least it wasn't as evident as it could have been. it's like.. instead of getting a uniform mix, there was a whole bunch of insoluble liquids separated from each other.. quite funny to notice actually, and it somewhat affected the general unity i think. but all this is my opinion.

there were the newbies, the young ones, the people in charge, there were those serving and busy here and there, the cooler ones who always seemed more prominent, there were the visitors who clung to each other, and of course the loners who were always alone.. the weird ones who just couldn't get along with anyone.. and the emo ones who refused to talk to anyone..

got me thinking quite a bit..

but as i said
camp was a BLAST

tuesday, wednesday , thursday

09/12/2008
10/12/2008
11/12/2008

three not so awesome... yet.... three TOTALLY awesome days... *grins*.. ;)

time to reflect

it's christmas time.

funny though, december as set in five days into the month already. Maybe it's just me but i don't feel very much in a christmas mood this year. Some how there seems to be a lack of.. umm.. how do you describe it.. stuff happening? i was thinking about it and i's probably a combination of a few things..

1. i'm growing up (old)... sigh..
   
2. no big musical this year
3. been so so busy with other stuff haven't really had time to get into the season
   

but i was just sitting arounf thinking this morning. And a really nice thought came to my head. Ain't it so so awesome that the whole POINT of christmas isn't the mood or the festivity of it all? i mean no matter how much celebration and fun you see all around you, you will never experience christmas until you SEE beyond all that hype and activity..

and i'm so glad that EVERY year i've had one of these moments like today. when i suddenly REALISE the incredible depth of this celebration, that GOD became a MAN. and his name is Emmanuel.


Come to bethlehem and see
Him whose birth the angels sing
Come adore on bended knee
Christ the Lord our new born King

GLORIA IN EXCELSIS DEO

and HE did it

i serve a GOD who does MIRACLES and he did it again TODAY!!

THE ODE

when it seems like all else has failed.. and there's nearly no reason to be joyful

i will choose to sing of JOY

O Freunde, nicht diese Töne! Sondern laßt uns angenehmere anstimmen, und freudenvollere. Freude! Freude!
Freude, schöner Götterfunken Tochter aus Elysium, Wir betreten feuertrunken, Himmlische, dein Heiligtum! Deine Zauber binden wieder Was die Mode streng geteilt; Alle Menschen werden Brüder, Wo dein sanfter Flügel weilt.
Wem der große Wurf gelungen, Eines Freundes Freund zu sein; Wer ein holdes Weib errungen, Mische seinen Jubel ein! Ja, wer auch nur eine Seele Sein nennt auf dem Erdenrund! Und wer's nie gekonnt, der stehle Weinend sich aus diesem Bund!
Freude trinken alle Wesen An den Brüsten der Natur; Alle Guten, alle Bösen Folgen ihrer Rosenspur. Küße gab sie uns und Reben, Einen Freund, geprüft im Tod; Wollust ward dem Wurm gegeben, Und der Cherub steht vor Gott.
Froh, wie seine Sonnen fliegen Durch des Himmels prächt'gen Plan, Laufet, Brüder, eure Bahn, Freudig, wie ein Held zum Siegen.
Seid umschlungen, Millionen! Diesen Kuß der ganzen Welt! Brüder, über'm Sternenzelt Muß ein lieber Vater wohnen. Ihr stürzt nieder, Millionen? Ahnest du den Schöpfer, Welt? Such' ihn über'm Sternenzelt! Über Sternen muß er wohnen.
Seid umschlungen, Millionen! Diesen Kuß der ganzen Welt! Brüder, über'm Sternenzelt Muß ein lieber Vater wohnen. Seid umschlungen, Diesen Kuß der ganzen Welt! Freude, schöner Götterfunken Tochter aus Elysium, Freude, schöner Götterfunken

the ease of discouragement

it's really easy to give up when it seems like everyone else wants to.

it's easy to wanna join the rest of the crowd in walking away when it conveniently seems like an appropriate time to.

but who am i to desert that which i've been called to?

is it in our position to decide where and when we wanna walk out of ministry and give up?

when it seems so hopeless where we have been placed, should we just let it go and leave for a better place(or at least what looks to be a better place)?

i have to admit, i'm not free of such thoughts.. but the God we worship, is it not the God they worship?

is it LOW ENOUGH to be like a bottle of shampoo??

"oh, i don't really like this smell anymore.. let's go buy another one.."
"this one more convenient la.. save petrol"

"i need one with anti dandruff"
"i need one with people who actually smile.. here they're so much more friendly"

"i dunno, but lately this one really makes my scalp itch, i wanna try sunsilk"
"i really can't take the way they're doing this.. i don't feel COMFORTABLE here"


and at the end of all this thoughts.. one big question... when i think of such things.. WHAT or WHO am i really thinking about?? ME?? MYSELF?? I??

but then of course i realise that it's NOT AT ALL about me.. that's not what we are called to.. who am i to make such a selfish decision??

fingers

63 words

Typing Test

some promo and a book

calvary church music and creative arts Kids CAT will be presenting a musical on December 6... and its called.. :) HOTEL BETHLEHEM. heh..

and i'm doing promo for them. becausee.. i'm playing.. so.. if you've got little cousins or friends or nieces or nephews, especially those who have not had an opportunity to hear the good news of our Saviour's birth, please DO invite them!

it's a story of the inn in bethlehem and how the peeps running it were so stuck up and all that they were completely oblivious to the significance of a birth in the stable. and whatever not.. quite fun.. if not for the slightly corny lines here and there heh.. whoops.. this is a promo. :p

so YEAH, come join the fun.. not you old farts.. i'm talking to the kids *grins*


and as for the music.. it's gonna be live, or at least most of it, cos we don't have a second keyboardist :( .. so.. what i'm gonna do is i'm gonna lay an extra track in the keyboard with all the funny effects and the other more random instruments (i.e. strings, mandolin, folk guitar, brass, and all that crap.. oh yeah.. and the orch hit too.. like that sound!!) and that track will play along with us.. heh.. so cool right?? just means then, that we've got to be really accurate and no stupid mistakes.. pressure!

oh.. and there's this book i'm just staring on . it's called the HOST.. science fiction, not my type, but i think it'll be worth trying, i'm sure i'll like it.. heh. :)

the miracle of who i am

i'm on holiday now. and it's good. because then i have time. Time to go sit in the mamak for breakfast and not have to rush home or to uni or to the music school for something or other. and it's AWESOME. because then i have time to think. about everything.

and i realised today that i am a living, breathing miracle. everything i have today is a miracle of who HE is in my life. that all those years ago, and all along the way, every single seemingly unrelated event has fallen in place perfectly in place to make me exactly where i am today. and until now with each day i see all these little things fit in squarely to a masterful work of art, set against so much more wonder around us, that we fail to stop and notice everyday.

it's on days like this that i stand, humbled, a creation.. a work of love. of the Creator.

received a full offer from MONASH university Australia. under normal circumstances, the faculty in melbourne would have to consider my current semester results. but once again, a miracle. the maxis scholarship closing date is 30 NOV.. but my results will only be released 29 NOV. and if melbourne did not grant me this full offer i couldn't never hope to apply for the scholarship.

there... another miracle..

Earth's crammed with heaven,
And every common bush aflame with God.
But only those who see take off their shoes.
The rest sit around and pluck blackberries.

ELIZABETH BARRET BROWNING

a taste of rest

exams are over.. unspeakable relief. It is impossible to explain that awesome sensation that you get everytime the summer break is here. And i'm so glad it's all over. And now, that much LEss stress

but still.. less doesn't mean none at all eh? it's funny how when you have ONE very important thing on your mind, you tend to push aside other, seemingly less urgent matters and when that ONE thing is settled, everything else comes crashing down on you like an avalanche. scary!

so here's what. these next few weeks.. one step at a time

1. CERC musicians
2. Maxis scholarship
3. PIano replacement classes for the students
4. fix my car
5. hotel bethlehem (the kids musical... super lame i tell you)
6. minus one for the WTE
7. leather clean up for my mum and dad's car
8. and a whole bunch of other more minute stufff....

and WE'RE HAVING YOUTH CAMP... woohoo... :)


*those three sleepless nights.. they were terrible. but i've learned a lot these three days. and i've grown up. and you looked so beautiful today.. everyday.. always an angel. thanks for everything.. i couldn't ask for more.. and i couldn't give more.. I LOVE YOU *


eh EMMY.. i shall post about your birthday soon.. heh.. waiting for the video to go on youtube